Started work at (codename) DaiSO, first day move all the PC and clean up the things from the prev person... jigsaw puzzle, course materials, even got Alabama map?!! I got quite excited cos I realised she's a fellow Rafflesian. pure breed - rgs and rjc. heh. I've got 4 points of contact in the lab itself, peer level buddy, project supervisor, lab head, and a mentor who is not in my proj so that i can complain to him when my proj supervisor overload me - according to my proj supervisor. heh. he's quite good, not as funny as ptb, but he makes sense so i like him for now. not sold yet tho. first day i noticed sijia wearing slippers around the lab, so second day i brought in my slippers too. by third day i was wearing birks to work with tshirt and jeans. on the fourth day i wanted to wear berms, but i think better wait one more week first heehee. that was the day i reported to work one hour late... oops. on the fifth day i realised it doesn't matter cos when i reach punctually, spencer and yongliang got me down to canteen for breakfast and in the end it's like as good as one hour late for work :P DaiSO is a nice place to work, got this nice lounge for tea breaks and read newspaper. oh on fifth day, i also knocked off at 4.30pm to go running - it's sports hour! shiok. ran 5km to hort park and back :) but only reached hort park entrance. next week shall run further... realised that the henderson waves are really far tho... think run there and back will be 21km alr. for now, i'll just stick to 10km max! could feel the right knee a bit loose after 5km alr, oops. quite scared it really drop out, but of cos it won't :P 24th oct is nike 10km run, hope can reach my 10km in an hour aim :)
the second exciting thing is that i've moved back home! woohs! coming online at 1.13am is shiok max.
the third exciting thing is that cai and i did our first sharing tog! i actually feel tt it was quite well done and we covered quite a number of topics, glad :)
***
two issues that have disturbed me resurfaced.
the sudden change in rong en is smth we've nv talked abt... i wanted to talk abt it at iceiceice last year but he said nothing at all. now he say that i've probably forgotten, a really terribly hurtful accusation that he made it sound so by the way. really i did not. how could i forget such a sudden and drastic change in his attitude? before i went exchange, it may not b a super strong friendship, but everything was alright. i rem we had our sunday morning runs, happy meal and even had a very nice dinner at breaking bread just before i left. then suddenly everything changed and we became like strangers. that time was when i was on exchange and had zero clue what on earth was happening and could gather no clues. msn is a horrible tool of communication. still now even when it's resurfaced, i still can't figure it out. it remains a huge mystery. perhaps this is what's called divine intervention.
one other outstanding issue is how i dun understand a gathering with one month's notice can be pang sei-ed, last minute. i rem one thing liren said that really stuck with me. the RH ppl were talking abt gg for some big thing perf or smth like that... to support dunno who or dunno what but everybody was gg? can't really rem... then he outrightly said that he cannot go. "i'd rather tell the person now that i really cannot go and give my reasons since i alr now know that i cannot go, than to commit and have to pang sei in the end." it's disrespectful to commit and then disappoint. it is insulting to everyone who has made time and efforts to arrange and attend. tonight, to me, it hurts to the core big time.
to be very honest, i was actually mentally prepared for it. still when it really did happen, i just can't fight the feeling. how brother purposely shifted one seat away to make me happy did just the opp cos i know it's gonna b a phantom seat. i didn't have the faith and courage to believe that efforts will be made to rush down after all, but i know i held hopes. cos when it wasn't filled in the end, i was disappointed and wondered if something has happened or perhaps alr on the way down... didn't hv the courage to find out, i'm scared all these are just made-ups on my part and the truth would be what i fear most, forgive me.
perhaps we do get busier, there's more ppl to meet, more events to attend - all very very impt - but who doesn't face a time crunch? who has so much time in the world to just meet up with all she wants? it's a matter of prioritizing needs and values... "the opp of love is not hate, it's indifference." 隐隐约约中，明白你的决定。。。i felt the implied indifference tonight, the prioritisation has been made, just not impt enuf. perhaps it always has been, it's just that i've refused to accept it. i hate to be unimportant but the truth is that i am. it's starck plain truth. what good is it that you say that i am ppl you love? it's all crap if the actions dun match up consistently.
***
finally, as wai announced, "ANYWAY mr chow is coming back :))))" yeaps! shifu's returning in a week-ish's time but unfortunately, pearl is leaving for her grand spain tour.
No comments:
Post a Comment